Two Homes, Two Financial Relationships, One Child

Wes and I were blessed with three children each, before we found our way to one another. In his past life, he was what The Millionaire Next Door terms a High Income, Low Net Worth UAW (Under Accumulator of Wealth). He was married to a woman who shared his (then) money values. He earned a lot, they spent a lot.

Over the last couple of years, our family has been making slow but steady progress toward becoming more frugal. However, his ex-wife's household hasn't undergone those same changes. YM10 lives with Wes' former wife and only gets to see us on his bi-weekly visitations. So, he hasn't been engaged in our family conversations (that occur on an almost daily basis) about how we're being more responsible with our money. He only gets to participate in this every-other-weekend. Having two parents, in two different households, with two different sets of values when it comes to money, YM10 has a few problems when it comes to realistic spending expectations.

Admittedly, the expectations he has have been reinforced over time by both parents. In the beginning, very little thought was put into the cost and we often spent $500 to $1000 on visitation weekends without realizing it. Spending a family day going to Dave and Buster's ($200) before going out to a sit down dinner ($120) before going to the drive in movie ($50) was fairly common for us. As a result, YM10 has an almost constant case of the "spends" when he is with us.

We still do fun family things, like buy Six Flags season passes and take the family to Renaissance festivals. But, instead of spending money like water when we get there, we tend to pack a cooler full of drinks, or bring the refillable bottles, to keep from spending $2.50 per can of soda. We also pack lunches or purchase family meal plans for a reasonable fee. We take our grill and lawn chairs to the drive-in theater for a frugal but fun night out. All of the children still get family time and they still get to do fun things, we just plan our spending now.

But, while the 3 children who live in our household have made gradual changes with Wes and me, YM10 hasn't had that opportunity. When at the Renaissance Festival, he didn't understand why Wes wasn't spending $50 on swords like he used to, or why we didn't just hand each child $40 to spend on whatever they wanted. He is upset when Wes tells him that they are not going waste money going to the batting cages, but suggests they play ball in the front yard together instead. He doesn't understand why Wes is no longer keeping up with the tradition of buying a toy for him every time they're together.

He often uses phrases like "My mom said you have enough money to do X, Y, or Z, so why can't I have W?" Teaching good spending habits to a child whose daily living environment is about spending and keeping up with a lifestyle, rather than spending time connecting as a family in ways that don't cost anything, is very difficult. Right now, our goal isn't as lofty as teaching him good financial sense. Right now, we just want him to realize that we're not being careful with money because we're poor, but because we are no longer a family that is wasteful of our resources.

How do you do this? How do you teach a ten year old little boy who has everything he has ever asked for that when he goes to Daddy's house, not getting what he wants all the time doesn't mean that Daddy is poor or just being stingy?

Carnivals and Link Love

My Post: Cutting Food Costs - 3 Ways to Save on Dinner was included the Carnival of Money Hacks hosted by Broke Grad Student this week. Please go check it out, there is a ton of great stuff going on over there.

My Post: Coupons - Making them work for you was included at The Festival of Frugality hosted by No Debt Plan this week. NDP is running a contest this month to give away some books and is trying to reach 1,000 subscribers. I can honestly say that I've enjoyed reading his feed for a while now.

Not only am I completely psyched about being included in these gatherings, but I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the other posts there. Here are some of my favorites:

• Greener Pastures: Frugal Ways to Protect You, Your Yard, and Your Trash, From Summer Pests.
• Our Fourpence: Frugal Travel Begins Before the Trip: Vacation Preparation Checklist
• Cheap Healthy: Eating Healthy While Clipping Coupons: The Dos and Don’ts
• Slow Down Fast Today: How To Become Wealthy by Living Within Your Means
• Money Blue Book: Find Great Bargains With eBay Auction Typos and Spelling Mistakes
• Widster: Money That You Didn’t Know You Had
• The Q Family Adventure: 13 Fun (Free) Things to Do This Summer

Feel free to share your favorite links or blogs... it can even be your own. I want to hear from you :)

Tightwad Gazette - 1992

My friend, Alicia, brought me an old copy of The Tightwad Gazette last week. I have been thumbing through it for the last few days and just marveling over how much has changed, and how much has not changed over the course of 16 years. The book is broken into seasons (Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall) and is jam packed with tips.

Here are a few of my Summer favorites so far:

• Holey Rubber Gloves - "Cut the tips off the fingers to use for picking blackberries or raspberries. The gloves prevent your hands and arms from being scratched but you can still pick the berries with your fingertips." (Note: This is fabulous for the growing contingent of urban homesteaders out there!)
• Old Metal Beds - "The head and foot boards can be reused to make great gates, especially around vegetable gardens."
• Styrofoam Meat Trays - "Put them behind wall outlet switch plates for insulation. Trim to fit, and screw tightly for a snug fit." (Note: One of the most popular energy saving tips is to insulate the wall outlets. What a great, cheap way to do this while reducing household waste.)
• Reduced Fat Margarine - "Take 1 pound of regular margarine or butter, soften slightly, and gradually add skim milk while beating with an electric mixer. You can add about 1/3 of a cup of milk to a pound of margarine. The result is a light spreadable product that has increased in quantity by 50%, stays soft in the refrigerator, tastes the same, and has fewer calories."

There are outdated references to expensive long distance calls (most telephone companies and cell phone plans offer unlimited long distance for very little money these days) and most definitely the prices of bulk foods have risen over the years, but this book is still a fabulous resource. I'm not going to wait until I've read the entire thing to start implementing some of the really great frugal tips in here. I see some results posts in the future.

Great Deal for Date Night

Last night, Wes wanted to help me relax and decided to treat me to a dinner out without kids. We looked through our Entertainment Book for specials on places we haven't been before. Nothing was really appealing to us. Then I remembered that I had a coupon code in my email from Coupon Mom for 60% off of a Restaurants.com gift certificate.

After surfing through the available gift certificates, most of which we decided against because they were too far away, we found The One. We decided to go to the Cigar Pub, less than 5 miles from home, and have a couple of drinks and dinner. With our coupon code, we spent $4 on a $25 gift certificate. BONUS! We got our entrees for free with the gift certificate. Essentially we only ended up spending money on our drinks (beer on draft!) and I even bought Wes' Father's Day gift for less than I expected.

While not an entirely frugal night, we did spend considerably less than if we hadn't done our legwork first. Lesson Learned! Always do your research before just heading out for the evening. You can definitely save money on normal every day things in return for 5 minutes of your time.

Cutting Food Costs - 3 Ways to Save on Dinner

As I may have mentioned once or twice (couple of dozen) times before, I love the Grocery Game. It has made my life so much easier in the grocery shopping department. But that is only half of the equation. It doesn't matter if your freezer is filled to the top and your pantry is stocked if you don't eat at home. If you're on your way home from work, or the soccer game, or scouts, etc. it's really easy to decide you're too tired to cook and head for the nearest restaurant or fast food drive thru.

Here are a few simple ways to keep feeding your family nutritious meals on those days when you're too tired, mentally exhausted, or just plain not in the mood to cook.

1) Instead of going for fast food, spend less money and get a nutritious meal in no time by stopping by the nearest grocery store for a rotisserie chicken, bag of salad, and loaf of italian bread. This costs less than 1/2 of a delivered pizza, and roughly 2/3 the cost of a meal for one person at a sit down restaurant.

2) Cook Twice, Eat Once. On the days you have time, cook double portions of dinners. Immediately separate half to be frozen and microwaved at a later time. This way, you'll always have a homemade meal waiting for you, even when you're short on time and not up to cooking.

3) Leftover Night! I love it because we never fail to have enough leftovers for one or two servings of things but not enough to contribute to an entire meal. Leftover night allows everyone to have different foods and keeps us from wasting money on throwing things out that have gone bad waiting for someone to finish them off.

What are your best tips for dinners on the nights you're just not feeling it? I'm taking notes!

Coupons - Making them work for you

There is an interesting discussion going on over at BoingBoing about coupons and how much they aren't worth the effort. Now, the girl given in the short example post isn't very realistic... sorry Christy. For one, she does her couponing at seven stores, primarily Publix, and even with coupons they're often significantly more expensive than (my favorite) Kroger, although sometimes they have FABULOUS deals and I snatch them up too.

So, the down and dirty plan for grocery shopping that has been successful for me goes something like this:
*Buy 2 copies of the Sunday Paper - If you buy them on Sunday, you can get them in one packet for $2.35 at Kroger or $2.36 at Publix. They are next door to one another where I live, so there's no real difference for me where I get them.

*Go to Grocerygame.com** on Monday and access the List for Kroger, Publix, and CVS. Check the running list of what I need against the sales prices and coupons I have for them.
NOTE: Grocery Game lists the week of the circular for the coupons, so I never clip them before I need them. I use a 3 hole punch and keep the circulars in chronological order in a binder until I need them.

*Check the personal finance blogs for tips on printable coupons for sale items that will make the price free or next to free. A few of my favorites are Money Saving Mom, Freebies 4 Mom, and Centsible Savings.

*Check my Miscellaneous Coupons pouch for any coupons I've received in the mail with my free samples.

*Do a quick Google search for any printable coupons for items on the list that I need but don't have a coupon for.

All of the gathering probably takes me an hour total. Then,

*I print the list for each store and put all of the coupons I need in the envelope for that store with the list.

*Mentally map my route to make one circle and not waste gas.

*Go to Publix and ONLY get what is on the list. - 10 minutes
*Go to Kroger and ONLY get what is on the list. - 30 to 45 minutes, depending on the checkout line.
*Go to CVS and ONLY get what is on the list. - 5 to 10 minutes.

As a general rule, I can feed my family of 5 on $75 to $80 a week, including all toiletries and miscellaneous household items. It takes me roughly 2 to 2 1/2 hours per week, including the shopping itself. This saves me a LOT of time. Before I shopped with a list and did my research before leaving the house, I made 3 to 4 trips to the store every week to pick up forgotten or needed things. I also ended up spending lots of extra money on impulse buys.

No additional expenditures on gas because I plan my route to maximize fuel economy. I also don't have to make those emergency runs to the store during the week anymore, so I am actually SAVING money on gas. I shop for gas at the grocery store, so I don't have to make extra trips to stop for that either.

Happy Dance Note: Yesterday I was out and about and stopped at Kroger just because I had cereal coupons. I got 4 boxes of Honey Bunches of Oats and 2 bunches of bananas for $.94 ...behold, the power of coupons.

**If you sign up at Grocery Game, please list sunshinedavidson @ gmail.com in the referral link.

No Spend Weekend Ideas

Around our house, the weekends are spent doing family things. Sometimes expensive family things. Over the last several months, we've been learning that we can have more fun and lots of time to connect as a family without spending a bundle. Here are some of our favorite frugal things to do on the weekends.

1) Square Foot Gardening! - Frugal Dad did a post a while back on How To Build a Square Foot Garden, and then Lynnae over at Being Frugal wrote about building her own. Over the last several years, I've made multiple attempts at growing tomatoes and peppers and herbs in my yard, with no success. This year with the square foot gardens we built, the children and I are really having a fabulous time playing in the dirt on the weekends.

2) Bookfest - We have been spending more and more time on the front porch, in our new "Library" reading books and sipping our coffee or soda and chatting away. I think this is an incredibly relaxing way to reconnect with my family.

3) Backyard BBQ - Nothing says family time like grilling some burgers and hot dogs and having friends over to sing karaoke or watch movies. You don't have to go out and spend a lot of money to hang out with your friends. Host a pot luck!

4) Riding on the trail - A favorite passtime of my family is to load up all of the bicycles and go down to the bike trail. On a good day, they get 12 to 15 miles in. I don't ride bicycles, so it's a fabulous time for Wes and the children to have some quality time, and for me to catch up on things I've been neglecting.

5) Movies Under The Stars - I know that in Atlanta, as soon as the summer months hit, the local radio stations start hosting free movies in parks around the area. Families come and bring their blankets and coolers and watch G Rated movies in the grass with their children. It's a really great way to get to know other people with families that you wouldn't otherwise get to meet.

6) Art Projects - All of those art projects you keep meaning to do but don't have the time for can replace some of the paid activities you've been doing. Instead of roller skating or going to the movies or heading to Six Flags, pull out the sewing machine and make those adorable little pillows (or whatever) from the patterns you've been gathering. We're going to give another whirl at quilting for the homeless this year. My friend Scarlett is having a whole Summer of Art!

7) Take a walk - I know this sounds really corny, but if you're like most people, there are tons of unexplored places in your neighborhood. Take a walk with the family. Leash the dogs and give them some fun exercise time too. Walk slowly and maybe meet your neighbors that you've never had a chance to say hello to because you're too busy.

8) Institute a Family Game Night - If you don't have any, board games are cheap, especially at the thrift store. Let the kids pick the games. Make some popcorn and drinks. Gather around the dining room table and let the fun begin. I'll bet you that your kids will love it!

9) Go to the park - This has a ton of benefits for no cost. The children get to run off all of their excess energy. You can either relax and talk with other parents, or often times there is a walking track that you can use while the kiddos play with their friends. You can't go wrong with fresh air and exercise.

Hmmmmm... Must go research new ones, I think. Any ideas?

10 Ways To Reduce Spending Painlessly

Where Can You Reduce Spending Without Pain? This is the first question that many people ask when they realize they need to get their financial acts together. Just like with dieting, when you drastically alter your lifestyle to reduce spending, the changes will not last. You'll get tired of having to sacrifice and go back to your previous handling of money.

Here are some of the more popular ways to reduce spending without impacting your daily life too much.

1. Get rid of the Sirius or XM Radio - Unless you are in an area where there is no radio reception or you're on the road a lot and make tons of use of it, get rid of the satellite radio. It's a slow drain on your finances.

2. Newspaper or Magazine subscriptions - Spending money every week or month for magazines and newspapers you don't read is a waste of your resources (and the environment's). You can read most of the local newspapers and magazines online. You can also read them at the local library, often with a much larger selection of reading materials. * Exception - Sunday paper for the coupons :)

3. Cable Package - Remove services you don't use. Figure out how many hours a month you're watching the television and divide that by the amount you're paying for cable per month. Is this really worth it?

4. Cook Once Eat Twice - Double your recipe once a week to freeze for a quick meal later in the week. This will make it easier to resist the urge to eat out when you're tired or rushed.

5. iTunes – Set a budget for music, just like everything else. iTunes can rack up tons of charges without you even realizing it. Don't mindlessly pay for downloads on impulse.

6. Movies – Movies are getting more expensive every day. Heading out to a movie occasionally may not break the bank, but if you're a regular movie buff, you may want to try these alternatives:

1. Check them out at the library

2. Wait for 2^nd run at the dollar theater

3. Get a Netflix account instead of buying DVDs

   1. On the other hand, if you have Netflix but never use the service (don’t return the movies to get new ones or don’t watch them in a timely manner), cancel it and check out the DVDs for free at the library.

4. Watch free movies On Demand from your cable company.

   1. They also have paid movie rentals too, which isn't as good as free, but is cheaper than driving out to rent one or doing to the movies theater.

7. Books - I am a book lover! We have a ton of books. Books on shelves, and in boxes, and probably a few tossed on the bedside tables. But, books are expensive, especially new ones. If you're an avid reader, try these frugal alternatives to buying new books.

   1. Check out the library

   2. Start a local book swap group with your friends

   3. Use Swaptree.com or Paperbackswap.com

   4. If you have to buy, go to used book stores, not new

8. Fast Food – Very few people really enjoy eating fast food instead of home cooked meals. Most of us eat it because it's fast and easy. Some ways to combat the need to stop for fast food:

1. Finger Food Night

   1. Chop up fresh fruit and veggies and combine them with dips.

   2. Make Ants on a Log (celery with peanut butter and raisins on top) your kids will love this!

   3. Make english muffin pizzas.

2. Breakfast for dinner – No meal is much easier than pancakes and eggs, or sausage, egg and cheese sandwiches. Breakfast for dinner is also fun for the kids.

3. Recipes for quick easy meals – Gather a few recipes for quick and easy meals for those days you're really not up for being experimental

   1. Publix has an entire series on 30 minute meals. Some of them are fabulous.

9. Cancel Unused Gym Memberships – You know the one. The gym membership you signed up for in January when you were on a resolution health kick. The one you only use once a month when the automatic draft comes out of your account and you remember that you really should get some use out of. That $40 a month membership full of good intentions is draining your wallet of $300 a year! Dump it and go for a walk.

10. Switch to fee free bank accounts – The $7 for that Bank of America account, and $12 for that money market account are not doing you any favors. Try these free bank acounts to lighten the dings you take to the wallet every month:

    1. Ingdirect.com

    2. Wamu Free Checking

    3. Wachovia

    4. There are dozens, do your own research and find the fee free accounts that are best for you. Worst case, you can put an end to those fees. Best case, you get an account that earns you interest on the money you have there.

What about you? What are some of the ways you can think of to reduce your spending painlessly?

Summer Vacation

For the first time EVER, I will be taking a vacation. Not a long weekend, but an actual vacation. Usually, I spread out my paid vacation days into 3 day weekends so that I could stretch the time out for the entire year.

I just talked to my boss and I'll be off for 10 whole days (5 days of vacation, 1 paid holiday, and 2 weekends). I've never (can I say again EVER!) had this much time off from work with my family without being unemployed and stressed out.

My next task is to figure out my frugal vacation. I don't necessarily want to travel, but we probably will. I'm going to throw out some of the suggestions posted at Bible Money Matters to the family and see what they think. Either way, I'm just looking forward to the time off. I will be writing the book, and reading more books, and relaxing.

I can't wait to have this time with the kids. Maybe camping at the beach again.....

What do you think? Anyone have any suggestions at what to do with this free time? I'd love to hear from you.

Earth Day Post

Today is Earth Day! Although, to be honest, we've been slowly working toward making every day a more Earth friendly day at Momma's house. It's very interesting to me that most of the environmentally friendly changes that we can make in our lives are also very budget friendly.

Utilities:

• Last year, we started replacing our light bulbs with Compact Fluorescent Lighting as the regular bulbs burned out.
• We desperately needed a new washing machine last fall, so we replaced it with a more efficient front-end loader. This probably didn't lower the energy usage for the washer, but definitely lowered the energy usage for the dryer, as the clothes had much less water in them after the spin cycle.
• Wes replaced our old thermostat with a new programmable one. This has made a large difference in both gas and electricity bills.
• Recently, I started washing all loads on cold wash/cold rinse cycles.
• I also hang up all socks, underwear, wash clothes, dish clothes, and hand towels, so there are less things going into the dryer.
• I unplug the coffee pot, bean grinder, and toaster every time I go into the kitchen. (Note to self: Probably ought to tell the family, so they don't keep plugging them back in.)
• You may find some great information on this over at Get Rich Slowly. JD is asking the readers for Tips on Energy Conservation

Waste

• We've started composting all of the vegetation we can (cut flowers that have died, table scraps without meat, grass clippings, etc).
• I started a recycling box for paper goods, but plan to research other recyclables for this area and find out how to keep from sending out an overflowing container full of trash to the curb every week. Lynnae at Being Frugal wrote a great post about Recycling and what is recyclable in her area. I learned some stuff from it!
• The children and I have been gathering clothing and items we don't or can't use to donate to a local abuse shelter.

Food

• I'm growing a small garden of herbs and vegetables, to cut down on our food bills and provide more organic food options to my family.

Gas

• I combine trips where I can, and buy gas at night, after I complete my shopping.
• I don't generally drive anywhere besides work and home more than twice a week and even then it's not more than 5 miles from the house.
• Although carpooling isn't an option for me, Spilling Buckets is carpooling now, and figures that he is saving about $2100 annually in the process.
• YL15 (in 4 days!) rides her bicycle the 3 miles to school and back every day so that Wes and I don't have to go and pick her up. Bus riding isn't an option for her in the afternoons.

Link Love!

• For some other fabulous posts about Green Living on a budget, check out these blogs!
• Wealth Junkies posts about Going Green in the Wallet
• Frugal Mom LA is Getting on the Green Bandwagon
• My Two Dollars had some other great links in honor of Earth Day too.
• Notes from the Frugal Trenches says Going Green Helps You Be Frugal!

Can Losing Weight Be Frugal?

I started thinking about all the ways that my weight keeps me from being able to save money. It's an interesting exercise and one that really makes me a little more motivated to take care of myself.

My Car:
My extra weight reduces my car's gas mileage. It also causes more breaking down of the seats, which decreases the value of the car if I were to trade it in. It also makes the seats less comfortable to sit in.

My Clothes:
The extra weight means that I can't shop at regular clothing stores. Trust me, Lane Bryant doesn't have those adorable little spring tops on clearance for $3.00 like Old Navy does! I have to travel further, look harder, and often settle for far less flattering styles than women half my size.

Dress Shoes:
My dress shoes wear out faster than if I weighed less. The heels wear down more unevenly as well.

My Bed:
Now, here's one to think about. The extra weight means that our mattresses wear out far more quickly. When you replace your mattresses every year and a half, versus every five years, all this weight really doesn't seem to be a good idea to carry around anymore.

Summer Break - Those Pesky Kids

Summer break is 5 weeks away for the children at Momma's house. Usually, my 3 bio daughters spend the summer with their father in a different state. They generally leave here the day after school lets out for the summer and don't return until a week or so prior to the beginning of school in August.

This year, their father has gotten caught in the economic downturn. He hasn't got a job and his living situation is precarious. Therefore, the young ladies will be staying home with us this summer. They're incredibly excited. This is the first time in 8 years that they've spent a summer with me. Of course, that doesn't change the fact that I have to work.

They're all old enough that they don't need a babysitter, but I think it's a miserable summer if they have to spend every day hanging out and waiting for us to come home from work. In the past summers, we've gotten them Six Flags season passes. It's a great investment for us because we always go more than twice a season (the break even point for season passes) and the Passholders Only day at the end of the season means that we get lots of Christmas gifts for next to nothing, as everything in the park is at least 50% off.

This year is different though. Wes' work situation isn't as secure as it has been in years past. I'm torn between being frugal and making better decisions with our money, and making sure our kids don't have a summer of boredom and exile. The 15 year old (in 10 days!) wants to get a job at Six Flags, so maybe it's not such a bad idea! But everyone knows that those amusement park passes are paid for with the extras... not the passes.

While I ponder this, I'll just share my snowflakes for today:
$11.30 (water bill was less than budgeted)
$4.49 (sold a book on half.com, this is the sales price after shipping and commission)
Yay for baby steps.

So, what do you think about the season passes? Good idea or no?

Going Green - And Frugal

I have a friend who is shunning manufactured cleaning products, in an effort to "Go Green" and have a more chemical free home for her family. I've asked her to write a guest post on this topic here, but hoped that you kind folks may have a tip or two to help get us started.

What are your tried and true methods for going green and staying frugal?