Two Homes, Two Financial Relationships, One Child

Wes and I were blessed with three children each, before we found our way to one another. In his past life, he was what The Millionaire Next Door terms a High Income, Low Net Worth UAW (Under Accumulator of Wealth). He was married to a woman who shared his (then) money values. He earned a lot, they spent a lot.

Over the last couple of years, our family has been making slow but steady progress toward becoming more frugal. However, his ex-wife's household hasn't undergone those same changes. YM10 lives with Wes' former wife and only gets to see us on his bi-weekly visitations. So, he hasn't been engaged in our family conversations (that occur on an almost daily basis) about how we're being more responsible with our money. He only gets to participate in this every-other-weekend. Having two parents, in two different households, with two different sets of values when it comes to money, YM10 has a few problems when it comes to realistic spending expectations.

Admittedly, the expectations he has have been reinforced over time by both parents. In the beginning, very little thought was put into the cost and we often spent $500 to $1000 on visitation weekends without realizing it. Spending a family day going to Dave and Buster's ($200) before going out to a sit down dinner ($120) before going to the drive in movie ($50) was fairly common for us. As a result, YM10 has an almost constant case of the "spends" when he is with us.

We still do fun family things, like buy Six Flags season passes and take the family to Renaissance festivals. But, instead of spending money like water when we get there, we tend to pack a cooler full of drinks, or bring the refillable bottles, to keep from spending $2.50 per can of soda. We also pack lunches or purchase family meal plans for a reasonable fee. We take our grill and lawn chairs to the drive-in theater for a frugal but fun night out. All of the children still get family time and they still get to do fun things, we just plan our spending now.

But, while the 3 children who live in our household have made gradual changes with Wes and me, YM10 hasn't had that opportunity. When at the Renaissance Festival, he didn't understand why Wes wasn't spending $50 on swords like he used to, or why we didn't just hand each child $40 to spend on whatever they wanted. He is upset when Wes tells him that they are not going waste money going to the batting cages, but suggests they play ball in the front yard together instead. He doesn't understand why Wes is no longer keeping up with the tradition of buying a toy for him every time they're together.

He often uses phrases like "My mom said you have enough money to do X, Y, or Z, so why can't I have W?" Teaching good spending habits to a child whose daily living environment is about spending and keeping up with a lifestyle, rather than spending time connecting as a family in ways that don't cost anything, is very difficult. Right now, our goal isn't as lofty as teaching him good financial sense. Right now, we just want him to realize that we're not being careful with money because we're poor, but because we are no longer a family that is wasteful of our resources.

How do you do this? How do you teach a ten year old little boy who has everything he has ever asked for that when he goes to Daddy's house, not getting what he wants all the time doesn't mean that Daddy is poor or just being stingy?

Research and Conversations

My co-workers are excited about the book I'm writing. They all want to talk about my process and my ideas. I think it's fabulous to receive such instant feedback, but some of the conversations it has prompted have blown my mind.

In the break room yesterday, I was speaking with a woman who is in her late 40s. We'll call her Kelli. Kelli lives alone, on one income. In previous conversations, Kelli has revealed that she has multiple maxed out credit cards that she only pays the minimums on because that is all she can afford. She is stressed and worried about her finances on a daily basis.

Kelli enjoys her McDonald's breakfast meal at her desk every morning. She can also be found at least once, and often more, per day at the Coke machine buying sodas. She wears stylish clothes and has a vast collection of gorgeous name brand dress shoes.

When Kelli and I were chatting about cost cutting and budgeting, she said "I know, I know.. the first thing everyone says is stop buying scratch offs!" Kelli is firmly entrenched in the "It's only $5 crowd."

I can rattle off 10 ways for Kelli to cut her costs without even having to think really hard about it. I can refer her to any number of my favorite blogs. She may have a heart attack if she read Lynnae's blog over at Being Frugal or Frugal Dad's words of wisdom.

I'm considering giving her a free copy of the book, when it's finished. I have a feeling she is going to provide me with a lot of valuable data for my research. It makes me a little sad to have these conversations. People like Kelli are why I am writing this book and starting my business in Household Finance Coaching.

10 Ways To Reduce Spending Painlessly

Where Can You Reduce Spending Without Pain? This is the first question that many people ask when they realize they need to get their financial acts together. Just like with dieting, when you drastically alter your lifestyle to reduce spending, the changes will not last. You'll get tired of having to sacrifice and go back to your previous handling of money.

Here are some of the more popular ways to reduce spending without impacting your daily life too much.

1. Get rid of the Sirius or XM Radio - Unless you are in an area where there is no radio reception or you're on the road a lot and make tons of use of it, get rid of the satellite radio. It's a slow drain on your finances.

2. Newspaper or Magazine subscriptions - Spending money every week or month for magazines and newspapers you don't read is a waste of your resources (and the environment's). You can read most of the local newspapers and magazines online. You can also read them at the local library, often with a much larger selection of reading materials. * Exception - Sunday paper for the coupons :)

3. Cable Package - Remove services you don't use. Figure out how many hours a month you're watching the television and divide that by the amount you're paying for cable per month. Is this really worth it?

4. Cook Once Eat Twice - Double your recipe once a week to freeze for a quick meal later in the week. This will make it easier to resist the urge to eat out when you're tired or rushed.

5. iTunes – Set a budget for music, just like everything else. iTunes can rack up tons of charges without you even realizing it. Don't mindlessly pay for downloads on impulse.

6. Movies – Movies are getting more expensive every day. Heading out to a movie occasionally may not break the bank, but if you're a regular movie buff, you may want to try these alternatives:

1. Check them out at the library

2. Wait for 2^nd run at the dollar theater

3. Get a Netflix account instead of buying DVDs

   1. On the other hand, if you have Netflix but never use the service (don’t return the movies to get new ones or don’t watch them in a timely manner), cancel it and check out the DVDs for free at the library.

4. Watch free movies On Demand from your cable company.

   1. They also have paid movie rentals too, which isn't as good as free, but is cheaper than driving out to rent one or doing to the movies theater.

7. Books - I am a book lover! We have a ton of books. Books on shelves, and in boxes, and probably a few tossed on the bedside tables. But, books are expensive, especially new ones. If you're an avid reader, try these frugal alternatives to buying new books.

   1. Check out the library

   2. Start a local book swap group with your friends

   3. Use Swaptree.com or Paperbackswap.com

   4. If you have to buy, go to used book stores, not new

8. Fast Food – Very few people really enjoy eating fast food instead of home cooked meals. Most of us eat it because it's fast and easy. Some ways to combat the need to stop for fast food:

1. Finger Food Night

   1. Chop up fresh fruit and veggies and combine them with dips.

   2. Make Ants on a Log (celery with peanut butter and raisins on top) your kids will love this!

   3. Make english muffin pizzas.

2. Breakfast for dinner – No meal is much easier than pancakes and eggs, or sausage, egg and cheese sandwiches. Breakfast for dinner is also fun for the kids.

3. Recipes for quick easy meals – Gather a few recipes for quick and easy meals for those days you're really not up for being experimental

   1. Publix has an entire series on 30 minute meals. Some of them are fabulous.

9. Cancel Unused Gym Memberships – You know the one. The gym membership you signed up for in January when you were on a resolution health kick. The one you only use once a month when the automatic draft comes out of your account and you remember that you really should get some use out of. That $40 a month membership full of good intentions is draining your wallet of $300 a year! Dump it and go for a walk.

10. Switch to fee free bank accounts – The $7 for that Bank of America account, and $12 for that money market account are not doing you any favors. Try these free bank acounts to lighten the dings you take to the wallet every month:

    1. Ingdirect.com

    2. Wamu Free Checking

    3. Wachovia

    4. There are dozens, do your own research and find the fee free accounts that are best for you. Worst case, you can put an end to those fees. Best case, you get an account that earns you interest on the money you have there.

What about you? What are some of the ways you can think of to reduce your spending painlessly?