"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free"

I'll admit it; I am obsessed with the helping. I have this deep seated need to help improve the lives of those I love. I want to take away their stress. I want to take away their worry. I want to share what I've learned from my mistakes in order to keep my family members from repeating them ad infinitum.

In response to my continuous offers to help, a certain member of my family DOES come to me. A Lot. With her hand out. There never ever fails to be a crisis in her financial life. The car is getting ready to be repossessed. The mortgage is 2 months behind. The car was just repossessed and she needs $2000 to get it back. The electric is going to be shut off. Someone that she hasn't seen in 10 years died yesterday and she needs gas money to make the 600 mile drive to the funeral. Notification of the emergency is always followed up with "Do you have $200, $400, $1500 that I can borrow until...?"

These emergencies are a weekly occurrence, at minimum. It is exhausting to constantly say "No, I can't loan you the money." No matter how many times I remind her that we are working toward getting out of debt and Wes is trying to get a business off the ground, she still tries to cash in at the bank of Wes and Momma.

Yesterday, I tried a different tack. I offered her free Household Finance Coaching. She has seen and heard about the differences our budgeting and moves toward frugality have made in our family's life. She just hasn't managed to make it out of her victim mindset. She still thinks and speaks in the language of the perpetually poor.

I offered to help her create a budget. She said "Go ahead and do it then." When I said that I'd need to come over and go over her bank accounts and bills with her to get a realistic budget together, she said "Eh, that's too much BS to deal with. There isn't any money to budget. Every penny we have goes to getting out from under the past due bills and bounced check fees."

I offered to help her lower her grocery costs. She said "I don't have any money to go to the grocery store." I have to admit that I was scratching my head over this one. They eat at Burger King 4 times a week because they "can't keep food in the house". (This was stated while she smoked her cigarette with one hand and held her 3rd 20 oz. Diet Pepsi of the day with the other.)

I offered her FREE grocery coupons. Sensing defeat, I changed the topic and went to the other side of the room to start clipping my coupons for this evening's grocery shopping trip. There is a sale at Kroger on an item that I know she uses, and with a coupon that I have 4 copies of, she'd get 4 of that item for free. I clipped the coupons out and said, "Here, you can get 4 of these for free at Kroger. Don't you guys use them?" She replied "Yes, but I don't shop at Kroger. You can go get them for me and bring them by." Um yeah.. I don't think so.

I offered several ideas to lower energy costs. She spent a good bit of time, while I was clipping coupons, lamenting over her lack of money and the conversation turned to utilities. Now, at this point, I was just letting her lead the conversation because I really don't want to keep offering suggestions for her to shoot down with excuses. But if we never talk about her money problems, she can't ask me for any. So she perseveres. I said "Well, we ended up shaving a considerable amount off our monthly electric bill by just installing a programmable thermostat and setting the temperatures to 78 during the summer and 68 during the winter." She looked horrified and replied "That's just crazy. Our air conditioning is on 24/7. I won't tolerate having it set any higher than 60 degrees."

Today, when I get off work, she and I are going shopping. Last week, she found a $100 JC Penney gift card in her purse that she didn't realize she had. Upon realizing she had the gift card, she declared that she NEEDS new shirts. The walk in closet full that she currently has is not enough. Since she doesn't drive "in town", I got the call to go with her for some Bonding Time.

I do wonder if I'm a glutton for punishment. Honestly though, I'm taking notes. I'm making sure that all of these conversations go into the research for my Coaching business, and my upcoming book. OH.. and I'm ordering her the book Make Money, Not Excuses (Paid Twice has been reviewing this book here). Not that she'll read it. But...

No Spend Weekend Ideas

Around our house, the weekends are spent doing family things. Sometimes expensive family things. Over the last several months, we've been learning that we can have more fun and lots of time to connect as a family without spending a bundle. Here are some of our favorite frugal things to do on the weekends.

1) Square Foot Gardening! - Frugal Dad did a post a while back on How To Build a Square Foot Garden, and then Lynnae over at Being Frugal wrote about building her own. Over the last several years, I've made multiple attempts at growing tomatoes and peppers and herbs in my yard, with no success. This year with the square foot gardens we built, the children and I are really having a fabulous time playing in the dirt on the weekends.

2) Bookfest - We have been spending more and more time on the front porch, in our new "Library" reading books and sipping our coffee or soda and chatting away. I think this is an incredibly relaxing way to reconnect with my family.

3) Backyard BBQ - Nothing says family time like grilling some burgers and hot dogs and having friends over to sing karaoke or watch movies. You don't have to go out and spend a lot of money to hang out with your friends. Host a pot luck!

4) Riding on the trail - A favorite passtime of my family is to load up all of the bicycles and go down to the bike trail. On a good day, they get 12 to 15 miles in. I don't ride bicycles, so it's a fabulous time for Wes and the children to have some quality time, and for me to catch up on things I've been neglecting.

5) Movies Under The Stars - I know that in Atlanta, as soon as the summer months hit, the local radio stations start hosting free movies in parks around the area. Families come and bring their blankets and coolers and watch G Rated movies in the grass with their children. It's a really great way to get to know other people with families that you wouldn't otherwise get to meet.

6) Art Projects - All of those art projects you keep meaning to do but don't have the time for can replace some of the paid activities you've been doing. Instead of roller skating or going to the movies or heading to Six Flags, pull out the sewing machine and make those adorable little pillows (or whatever) from the patterns you've been gathering. We're going to give another whirl at quilting for the homeless this year. My friend Scarlett is having a whole Summer of Art!

7) Take a walk - I know this sounds really corny, but if you're like most people, there are tons of unexplored places in your neighborhood. Take a walk with the family. Leash the dogs and give them some fun exercise time too. Walk slowly and maybe meet your neighbors that you've never had a chance to say hello to because you're too busy.

8) Institute a Family Game Night - If you don't have any, board games are cheap, especially at the thrift store. Let the kids pick the games. Make some popcorn and drinks. Gather around the dining room table and let the fun begin. I'll bet you that your kids will love it!

9) Go to the park - This has a ton of benefits for no cost. The children get to run off all of their excess energy. You can either relax and talk with other parents, or often times there is a walking track that you can use while the kiddos play with their friends. You can't go wrong with fresh air and exercise.

Hmmmmm... Must go research new ones, I think. Any ideas?

Mother's Day Edition

This has been such a lovely day! Woke up and put on my Brand New Pajamas! (there you have it, folks, my true vice. Pajamas.) I was presented with a lovely breakfast in bed. Wes and YL10 made homemade coffee cake. YL12 and YL15 made scrambled eggs and sausages. I had the most lovely hazelnut coffee, and they even brought me two of the most gorgeous huge roses ever (er... the only two growing on Momma's rose bushes out front) in a glass of water to decorate the breakfast tray.

I've been pampered and waited on all day. As I write this, I'm on the porch with a cup of coffee, my feet are propped up, my laptop is on my lap, the birds are singing and there are squirrels in the trees playing, and my DH is at Costco picking up milk, eggs, and office supplies.

When it's quiet like this, I love to .... make lists... and organize... and ...

So far today, I've sorted 1200 emails, started on Step One of Your Money or Your Life, and put a plan in motion for the whole week. This should be a banner week! More on this later... I've got a relaxion day to finish.

Hump Day - And Emotional NON-Spending

Well, yesterday was not my most frugal day ever. I did have to spend $100 on an ER copay to make sure that YL12's leg was not broken. YAY that it wasn't! Afterward, we were so hungry that we were mildly faint (we got to the ER at 7:15 and hadn't had breakfast.. it was 10:00 before we left) so I spent $8.00 on breakfast. But, that was it.

I cut all three girls' hair, so that saved at least $36 plus tip.. and that's the cheapest place. Wes repaired my laptop for free! Now I have a working laptop for book writing and web developing and blogging, and we don't have to replace it. $200 to $800 bullet dodged.

Yesterday was a bad day for us emotionally, with the money issues. We have been planning all along to buy YL18 a Macbook for her graduation gift. For a year, Wes has thought about how much he wanted her to have a Mac for school. However, our finances at this point will not allow for a $1000 gift. We are both very upset at this, but other than making an unwise financial decision to just wing it and spend the money, we aren't finding any good options. New snowflaking goal is a Mac for YL18 before she goes to college in the fall.

This is an ongoing mental battle for Wes and I (within ourselves and not with one another). We both want to be able to provide for our children the things they need, and make sure those things are good quality. But, we're also both moving into a more frugal mindset with each passing day. Sometimes it is a hard line to walk.

Just Another Day In Paradise

Child with sprained ankle ... Check
Sick day depleted ... Check
Laundry done ... Check
$100 extra on the AmEx ... Check
Laptop priced for YL18's graduation gift ... Check
Momma's home haircuts for YL15, YL12, and YL10 ... Check
Visit with mom ... Check
2 glasses of red wine ... Check

It has been one long and interesting day. None of it involved "work" ... at least... no work that I could receive monetary payment for. However, it was definitely good for my soul.

Yesterday afternoon, YL12 twisted her ankle during a nature walk at school. I rushed to pick her up, but she was hobbling along fairly well, so we came home and propped her foot up with some ice. My friend the Domestic Goddess located a pair of crutches for me and brought them over. THANKS sweetie!

This morning, YL12 woke up with a PURPLE swollen foot. I made a frantic call and dashed off an email to my boss letting him know I wouldn't be in, then bundled YL12 into the car to head to the ER. They X-Rayed her and declared that her ankle had no breaks... just elevate the foot and put an ice pack on it. I know that it's better to be sure than to take chances with my baby's health, but there is something mildly frustrating about being told "Keep doing what you're doing... that'll be $100 please." So, we spent today at home, catching up on laundry, doing a bit of reading, and just general puttering.

Then, as the short people filtered in the door, they requested haircuts! YL15 who has always had very long hair (past middle of the back) asked for a short cut. I gave her a modified bowl cut. *Grin* Those of you from the 80s will know this well. But it's more the cut that falls forward to frame her face and goes to a short layer in the back. ... er.. anyway... I rambled....
Trimmed the bangs of YL10 and Cut about 4 inches off YL12 (while I had her captive, haha).

It's been a nice constructive home day. Hopefully YL12 feels up to school tomorrow. I hear I have a large project on the horizon at work. YAY!

Summer Vacation

For the first time EVER, I will be taking a vacation. Not a long weekend, but an actual vacation. Usually, I spread out my paid vacation days into 3 day weekends so that I could stretch the time out for the entire year.

I just talked to my boss and I'll be off for 10 whole days (5 days of vacation, 1 paid holiday, and 2 weekends). I've never (can I say again EVER!) had this much time off from work with my family without being unemployed and stressed out.

My next task is to figure out my frugal vacation. I don't necessarily want to travel, but we probably will. I'm going to throw out some of the suggestions posted at Bible Money Matters to the family and see what they think. Either way, I'm just looking forward to the time off. I will be writing the book, and reading more books, and relaxing.

I can't wait to have this time with the kids. Maybe camping at the beach again.....

What do you think? Anyone have any suggestions at what to do with this free time? I'd love to hear from you.

Weekend - The Ramble

This has been an interesting weekend. YL15 finally turned 15 on Saturday. We had an Anime Sleepover Party for her. Half a dozenish of her friends showed up, some with their Anime DVDs, bearing gifts and hugs and sleeping bags. There was sushi, Yu Gi Oh matches, Anime movies, pillow fights, lots of Rock Band, and giggles until 2 AM when I finally sent them all off to bed.

I'm actually more than a little surprised that we managed to pull off the birthday party on less than $100. YL15 chose everything for the party. She did not want decorations at all. The cake and sushi were from Costco. We picked up tons of fresh vegetables, some lipton vegetable soup mix, and some ranch dressing mix to make a veggie tray with homemade ranch dip and spinach dip for the dinner buffet. We also picked up the fruit for a fruit salad for breakfast (uh... $11.50 for 2/3 of a bowl of fruit salad at Kroger? ... no way). Since when do teenagers want veggie trays and fruit salad? But, hey... I'll take it!

The gas bill came over the weekend. I did a Happy Dance that it was under $100 (we have $150 budgeted), paid the bill and sent a snowflake to the IRS for the difference. I did a little research, and although the bill was less than expected, I'm alarmed at how quickly the natural gas prices are going up. The price went up by $0.45 per BTU in the last year. That's up by 34% in one year. Thank goodness we've been doing our part to reduce usage.

The best part of the weekend for me was Sunday. We spent most of the day, sitting on the front porch sipping coffee (and later in the day just water or soda), listening to the rain, reading the Sunday paper and chatting. I'm not so much the "just sit and relax" type of person, but I thoroughly enjoyed my day. I finished my book and listened to Wes talk politics with my sister. We all smiled and shared a moment that only adults can share when we heard the pillow fight and giggling fits break out in the living room full of teenaged girls. All Sundays should be so perfect.

Charity - Giving Until It Hurts

While prepping a guest post earlier in the week, something was niggling at the back of my mind. The post was about helping my brother financially, even when he was making bad decisions. I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to the story.

Just a bit ago, it hit me. Wes and I are charitable to a fault, at times. Yet, until recently, we never really stopped to think about our own long term financial situation. Even now that we're watching every penny, I find that we're still in that Giving mindset.

Money has never been much of a top priority to me. I've been dirt poor the vast majority of my life. Until four years ago, when I met Wes and we eventually combined our houses and incomes, I raised 3 daughters, with no child support, first well below and later just barely above what the government considers poverty level. Even when I was destitute, my door and kitchen were always open to family and friends (chosen family). What is mine is yours. It's just how families do things where I'm from.

Although the debts were there, and accruing interest, and not going away, Wes and I ignored them. They were just insurmountable, so we just let them be the elephant in the room.

Wes enjoys giving to our friends and family as much as I do. We just do it in different ways. He insists on picking up the tab whenever we're out with friends. In fact, he does this so often that it's made a few of our friends uncomfortable.

Over the years, I have allowed people to move in with me and not pay any expenses, although I was barely making it myself. I've hired family members who were in a rough place financially to clean my house, or groom my pets, or work on my car, even things I was perfectly capable of doing myself. I've found reasons to "just have this lying around" when someone I care about has a need. And, yes, I've even loaned out money to the tune of hundreds (adding up to thousands) of dollars that I knew I'd never be repaid. It didn't matter... I was just helping.

When I finally decided that it was time to take control of our finances and get this debt handled, it required a large shift in the way we responded to those around us. My extended family has gotten accustomed to treating us as the Bank of Wes and Momma. Wes has offered to "be the heavy" and let them be mad at him for saying no, but I've learned to say no on my own. I'll continue to do so until our debts are paid, our retirement accounts are fully funded, and our children have college educations.

I no longer say "Yes" when people call me for money. I do, however, offer to help them with a budget. When the conversations start to angle around to how tough their financial situations are, I nod my head and agree that we're all having a tough time. Wes and I go out far less with friends, and try to make sure that the time we DO get to spend with friends is about the relaxation and enjoyment of their company. Since we know that we're likely to insist on paying, we have decided to entertain at home more.

We still give when we can, and when it's important to us. We still live under the belief that if you're family and you're in need, we'll do all we can. We've just adjusted our priorities a little and shifted the ways we give. At least until all this debt is gone.

Weekend - The Ramble

This weekend was a challenge for our family. Actually, every other weekend really is. It's very hard not to spend like crazy to make the weekends nice and fun when we only get to see YM10 four days a month.

Wes and I kicked around the idea of going ahead and getting the Six Flags season passes. For our family of 6, the cost would run about $453.00. We decided that we're going to go on Mother's Day instead. Why does it make a difference? Mother's Day is a "Bring a friend for free" day. We'll purchase 3 season passes, use 3 of the free tickets, and then purchase the season passes for the other 3 on our way out, at half price. The end result: $338.00 (a savings of $115.00).

Wes loaded up the children and took them all to the bike trail for the afternoon. It was such a beautiful day, I couldn't imagine spending it indoors, but I'm not so much with the bike riding. So, I kissed my family and waved as they drove away. AAAH blissful silence.

I took the opportunity to check in on my square foot gardens, and was happy to see that the lettuce is springing up quickly. The green onions are starting to peek through. My tomatoes and peppers are getting stronger every day. I'm still waiting to see some sort of progress with the eggplants though. In the house, the Garlic Chives are making quick progress, as is the Sweet Basil. YAY it's spring!!!

I planted some more seeds, too. This time around, it was Thyme, Parsley, Sugar Snap Peas, Sun Flowers, and some wildflowers. I'm trying to develop my green thumb. Last year, the birds and rabbits ate everything but the tomatoes.

After the gardening was completed, I re-organized our front porch. We have a large L shaped porch and it seems to be the dumping ground for EVERYTHING! I set up the folding table and created a gardening zone at the far end. It's a very cozy setup, and it gets the most sunlight, for my new seedlings.

Halfway between the Gardening Zone and the corner, I set up Wes' tools. We've had a clothes hanging rack on the porch forever and, in a stroke of sheer brilliance (haha), I positioned it above the big tool box, and hung the paint rollers and the wound up extension cords from it.

In the corner, I created a library! I'm proudest of this! We have 6 large boxes of books that we have no space for in the house. They've been setting on the large industrial sized shelves for a year now. So, I cleaned off the rest of the junk from the shelves, turned the boxes on their sides and facing front, and arranged the boxes into "bookshelves". I set a couple of the large comfy mushroom chairs on either side of the shelves, to make the library more likely to get some use.
All of the books in the "library" are listed on Half.com and will be packaged and mailed as they are sold. Until then, they are available for the family to read as they prefer.

Once the porch was de-cluttered and organized, I started tackling other projects, but those are for another day. Today, I'm just happy that I'll be able to go home and not feel like Jeff Foxworthy is making jokes about my porch!

Summer Break - Those Pesky Kids

Summer break is 5 weeks away for the children at Momma's house. Usually, my 3 bio daughters spend the summer with their father in a different state. They generally leave here the day after school lets out for the summer and don't return until a week or so prior to the beginning of school in August.

This year, their father has gotten caught in the economic downturn. He hasn't got a job and his living situation is precarious. Therefore, the young ladies will be staying home with us this summer. They're incredibly excited. This is the first time in 8 years that they've spent a summer with me. Of course, that doesn't change the fact that I have to work.

They're all old enough that they don't need a babysitter, but I think it's a miserable summer if they have to spend every day hanging out and waiting for us to come home from work. In the past summers, we've gotten them Six Flags season passes. It's a great investment for us because we always go more than twice a season (the break even point for season passes) and the Passholders Only day at the end of the season means that we get lots of Christmas gifts for next to nothing, as everything in the park is at least 50% off.

This year is different though. Wes' work situation isn't as secure as it has been in years past. I'm torn between being frugal and making better decisions with our money, and making sure our kids don't have a summer of boredom and exile. The 15 year old (in 10 days!) wants to get a job at Six Flags, so maybe it's not such a bad idea! But everyone knows that those amusement park passes are paid for with the extras... not the passes.

While I ponder this, I'll just share my snowflakes for today:
$11.30 (water bill was less than budgeted)
$4.49 (sold a book on half.com, this is the sales price after shipping and commission)
Yay for baby steps.

So, what do you think about the season passes? Good idea or no?

Emotional Spending

On Saturday, I requested (threatened bodily harm unless I got) some alone time. My wonderful husband loaded up all four children, ages 10, 10, 12, and 15 IN 19 DAYS!!, and took them out for the afternoon. First, they tried bowling... no lanes open until 9:30 PM. So, they spent their allotted $10 in quarters at the video arcade and tried to figure out what to do with the rest of their night in exile.

I got a call from Wes just before they left the bowling alley. The new plan was dinner out at Taco Mac so he could watch the basketball game and hang out with the kids. :) This left me at least 2 hours to enjoy my alone time and do all the things I'd been putting off.

I cleaned my bedroom, washed laundry like a fiend, puttered and organized and straightened. I had the iTunes set to shuffle on Wes' computer and the music was cranked. Not exactly the way I THOUGHT I'd enjoy spending a Saturday night, but I'll take it.

Just as I was finishing my bedroom chores, I got a call from Wes. He and the children were on their way home and they had a surprise for me! :) I had a surprise for them too. Clean laundry and a clean bedroom. When they got home, three of the children grabbed me by the hand and took me to the kitchen, where I was presented with a spring bouquet of flowers and a bar of dark chocolate. I hugged the children and exclaimed that I have the best family ever!

Wes said "uh, you might want to rethink that in a minute." That's when I walked into the living room and saw the box... The flowers and chocolate were not a gift.. they were an apology! My family waited until I wasn't there to say no and bought Rock Band! I'm very proud of myself. I didn't rant, yell, or otherwise undermine Wes' purchase. I did, however, pour myself a very large glass of wine and retire to my (now spotless) bedroom to play video games.

My 12 year old daughter, came into the room and her eyes were filled with tears. She is the one who suggested the purchase and felt guilty that it had upset me. I recovered pretty quickly and asked her how much it cost. When she said it was $170 dollars, I just smiled and said "That's OK, it's the family entertainment budget for the next month. Now ... go play your game! Enjoy it and get all the use out of it you can because we're not going out to do other things for a while."

When she left, Wes came into the room. There was very little spoken. I understand what happened. He knew it was a purely emotional purchase. Sometimes, he just feels so badly for having to say no and be practical all the time that he makes large impulsive purchases. I feel that way sometimes myself, but I'm better about keeping a grip on it. I'm sure it's a pretty common phenomenon in people who are making the move to more frugal living. We just resolve to do better next time and move on.

On the upside, it's a FABULOUS game. The entire family gets to play at once. There is noise and laughter and real family time going on. They played until 1 AM. ;) Of course, nobody has beaten my score for vocals on Wanted, Dead or Alive! Momma ROCKS.

How I Know I'm Making a Difference

Wes tells everyone about my blog! Correction, he nudges me when we're out with friends and says "Tell him what you write about." and "Dude, you're not going to believe our trip to the grocery store yesterday, tell him babe!" He is astounded when we load the entire back end of the mini-van with groceries from 3 stores and the total spent was $115. He reads my entries and sometimes looks puzzled, then asks "How do you know all this stuff?"

Our quality of life is the same, if not increasing, as it was before we started cutting out the frivolous spending. Some of the noticable changes have been:

• Drastically decreasing the amount of nights we eat dinner out has made the entire family, myself included, appreciate those special nights more.
• Making the grocery list and clipping my coupons has not only cut my grocery bills, but also my shopping time. I don't wander around the store anymore looking for what I need. I get the items on my list and I leave.
• My freezer and pantry are both filling up more every week with the stockpiling I'm able to do with The Grocery Game.
• We're starting to thin down the clutter in our home.
• The children are starting to learn more about conserving their resources and prioritization of spending.
• Wes thinks I'm brilliant and working miracles. I'll take it!

I've learned so much already from all my other blogger friends, researching finance articles and reading books. When I started this blog, Wes said "I don't know why you read all this stuff, they all say the exact same things. Stop spending and start saving. What's so hard about that?" The way I really know I'm making a difference in our lives is that his tune has changed so completely.

Part 2 - Living frugally, yet well

This is the 2nd post in response to the question: “Can you explain how to save money while still raising a family and trying to keep up with what society seems to think a family needs to have?”

On Friday, I talked about Keeping up with the Joneses (AKA Society) and keeping Clothing purchases from breaking the bank.

To continue that theme, I want to talk a little bit about what Living Well is, to me. I suppose that "Living Well" is as subjective as you can get. It can vary drastically, even within households where everyone really has the same core values. I know that it varies for Wes and I frequently.

To me, Living Well means that I don't have to carry a lot of money stress around with me. It means that my children are happy, provided for, and healthy. It means that our basic necessities are met, with a little extra. Are we there yet? Mostly.

The path to really living well started with a budget. And then, some discipline. There are NO easy answers or quick fixes to getting your finances in order. But, there are definitely some quick wins. For me, the first quick win was understanding that "It's only $10" is a crappy response to buying something you don't need.

Use a free tracking service to load all of your bank accounts, credit cards, and/or gas cards. Mint is fabulous for this! Once you get all of your transactions loaded, review the categories. Make sure they're accurate, and take a good hard look at where you spend your money. Do you spend too much money on video games? Is dining out your weakness? Do you just HAVE to buy expensive crafting materials or the latest magazines to hit the news stands?

The first time I downloaded all of our bank account transactions into Microsoft Money, it was to prepare our taxes. When I categorized our expenditures for the previous year, I found out that we spent FOURTEEN THOUSAND dollars on eating out. That's more than our mortgage!

If you're married, go over the results with your spouse**. Discuss ways to compromise and make changes to your spending. Figure out how to work together to get your financial house in order. Unless everyone is on the same page, there will be sabotage. Sometimes, it'll even be you!
** This discussion should only happen when you're both prepared for it. Don't ambush your partner. No good can come from that.

Once you've determined your spending patterns, work on your budget. Get all of your fixed and mandatory expenses in there first. House payments, rent, and utilities should be at the top of the list. Next, your fluctuating expenses. While you're working out your budget, discuss where you can make cuts without having a negative impact on your household. This can be as simple as teaching the children to turn the lights off every single time they leave a room, to setting a timer for showers, or eating more vegetarian meals to cut meat costs.

Can't go without cable or high speed Internet? Bundle your telephone/cable/Internet packages for big savings on those utilities. Grocery shop with coupons, and use The Grocery Game (my favorite) or Coupon Mom, or another coupon and sales tracking program.

Can't go without eating out? Use the referral link from the Coupon Mom website to go to Restaurants.com. You can get a $25 gift certificate to your favorite restaurant for $10 through Restaurants.com .. and with the referral link from Coupon Mom, you get an extra 40% off. That's a $25 gift card for $6! You can buy more than one, if you choose. Watch out for the restrictions though.

Love books and magazines too much to give up? Go to your public library. They have most of the periodicals you could ever want. There is an endless supply of books. Have kids? GREAT! Go during story time and meet other parents and kids in your neighborhood.

While you're at it, start your own home play groups or a babysitting co-op, so nobody has to pay for sitters. If you aren't that ambitious, look for co-ops that are already in place. Time Banking is taking hold all over the country.

Don't dig the library for your reading fix? Try book swapping or Half.com. Two of the more popular book swap rings are Paperback Swap and Swaptree.

Do you need a shelf or table? What about canning jars? Do you have a bunch of baby clothes taking up space? Extra furniture stashed in the attic that will never see the light of day again? Use Freecycle! There is one in practically every neighborhood. You can find a home for just about everything you have no use for. If you're willing to put a little effort into it, you can also find just about anything you need there too. Can't find what you need on Freecycle? How about Craig's List?

These are just a few of the ways I've found to cut our costs in ways that don't hurt our lifestyle. They do require a little more effort than going out and plopping down your debit card or credit card, but they are worth it to my peace of mind. We're still Living Well. We're just doing it more consciously than we were before. The rewards are growing.

Part 1 - The Joneses and Clothing

Get a cup of coffee and something to nibble, pull up a chair and get comfy. My friend asked for the impossible and I do love a challenge. I recently posted a request for article ideas on my Journal. The first suggestion was “Can you explain how to save money while still raising a family and trying to keep up with what society seems to think a family needs to have?” Well, sure! Why didn’t I think of that? After all, I am trying to save money and raise a family too.

First of all, just who is Society and why should we be keeping up with them? If, by Society, you mean the people who would have you believe you need the latest item to hit the shelves and receive a full media onslaught of advertising, the easy answer is you DON’T need to keep up with them.
-- My children don’t need the latest marshmallow/sugarfest box of cereal to hit the shelves. – Oatmeal and whole wheat versions of no-name cereals work just fine.
-- My husband doesn’t need the newest version of the Blackberry or iPhone. – The phone he has still works, receives his emails, allows him to text and make calls and performs all the functions he needs to for work.
-- I don’t need that new workout suit because I go to the gym now. – My sweats and t-shirts may not be glamorous, but they do the job.

We don’t need to succumb to the peer pressure of keeping up appearances. Paid Twice wrote an article that really resonated with me. In it, she explains that “There is no shame in not being able to afford it.” This article blew me away! How do we let people shame us into feeling like our self-worth is tied to our stuff? As My Two Dollars so succinctly put it, “You are not your stuff.” Do THEY really shame us, or do we do it to ourselves? Do THEY really care?

That said, living well on less money is still possible. Just because you don’t want to “Keep up With the Joneses” doesn’t mean that you can’t live a comfortable life.

Clothing:
It's possible to dress nicely and in name brand clothes for extremely reasonable prices by just changing the way you look at your shopping. There are three ways to do this, in my opinion.

-- If you absolutely must have new clothes, the First Tier, and often most expensive, option is to shop at discount stores. There are great clothes for exceptional prices at Ross, Marshall's, or Burlington Coat Factory's clearance racks. I've shopped at all of them with mixed success.

-- The Second Tier option is to try consignment shops. Plato's Closet has locations in 37 states and is widely known for name brand clothing for a fraction of the price. Many of their clothes still have the tags on them and have never been worn. Another great consignment chain, for children, is Children's Orchard, and they have locations in 22 states.

-- If the Internet is more of your shopping preference, the Third Tier is your option! You can often find fabulous deals at Ebay, Gently Used, or Penelopepup's Vintage Clothing, to name a few. For even cheaper options, you can get clothes, in current styles, for next to nothing at Swango's awesome clothing swap!

I'm an advocate for Tier Two and Tier Three options for clothing, because ReUse is far more effective than Recycle. Keeping things out of landfills should be part of anyone's frugal living plan.

In the next post, I'll be focusing on other areas of (more) frugal living while raising a healthy family. Hang tight, I've got more babbling to do!
Momma

Recipes

I have a love of cooking and fun recipes. I have almost a dozen cookbooks, but only one that we use religiously. It's a Better Homes and Gardens cookbook with all the basic instructions for types of food and base recipes in the front of each section. This has, many times, been invaluable to me.

I also have a drawer full of printed pages from various websites I use to track down recipes for specific things. This houses our favorite Tilapia recipe, the Cranberry Crumb Pie that we are required to bring to all gatherings between November 1st and New Year's Eve every year, and a few dozen hand written attempts at keeping track of my waffle recipes.

One thing that most of my recipe favorites have in common is simplicity. They have basic but versatile ingredients and I don't have to stock exotic items to have our favorite meals. They don't require a lot of steps to make wholesome and fun meals for my family.

Recently, I was hanging out a friend, pilfering her basement for interesting items for our upcoming costume party, and spotted FOUR boxes of the old recipe cards from the 60s/70s. Noticing my interest (squeal of delight), she kindly offered (was thrilled to be rid of) them to me. Since then, I have been happily experimenting with these recipes. One thing I've noticed is that the ingredient lists are much simpler than anything in my cook books.

My family loves the foods I've been experimenting with. They are relatively inexpensive and quite likely to use ingredients I have on hand, or need to use up anyway. I have a feeling we'll be adding a few new frugal and fun favorites to our lists.

Discussions on Poverty

I just read an interview with Adam Shepard that JD over at Get Rich Slowly posted, this morning. The interview was interesting and gave me food for thought... but not as much as the comments. It seems to me that there are so many people who adamently refuse to believe that each person is responsible for their own rise above poverty.

I've seen all of the excuses. Not enough education. Not the right sex. Not the right background. And the ever popular "I'm a single mom!"

I was raised by a Single Mother. Raised in poverty. We did not own our own home, or even have a place to live many times growing up. My mother was a Welfare Mother. All of her income came in the form of welfare checks, food stamps, and we were all provided the best healthcare the state offered. During the course of my childhood, we lived in dozens of places across 3 states, in low income housing, on friends' sofas, with families in overcrowded houses, and a few times in shelters.

Our Christmas gifts, school clothes, and anything else of significant value was provided by Christian Social Services, Community Action, Goodwill, or any other of a hundred charity organizations. My mother did not work, except when it was mandated by state law that she work for the state for the number of hours equivalent to her welfare check paid at minimum wage. And, although she most certainly had enough money to spend every night at the local VFW, or bar, there was little leftover to raise her 4 children.

Now, this is not a pity party. I value the lessons I learned during my childhood. However, this is to demonstrate that I do know what I'm talking about when addressing the issues of poverty and the struggles faced by families ensconsed in it.

As many of the girls who grew up in this environment, I got pregnant at 16. I was a Momma at barely 17. However, I refused to hang the label "Single Mother" on myself. Yes, I was a mother. Yes, I was single. But, my child deserved better than the life I'd had. I went to school during the day, worked at Papa John's Pizza at night. I lived with my mom until 3 months before graduation when she decided to move to another state again. With no way to graduate high school if I moved with her, I packed my 10 month old daughter up and moved into the local homeless shelter.

From there, I began the cycle I did not want to begin. I signed up for welfare, food stamps, and medical care for my daughter. I still went to school and still worked my part time job. I did manage to graduate on time (although, with a D in a couple of classes). I found a tiny 8'X35' trailer for rent, with all utilities included for the exact amount of the welfare allotment. The school guidance counselor brought me a gift box with standard household items to help me get started.

I got financial aid and went to the local college. I met a guy. I got pregnant again at 19 and married 2 months later. I dropped out of school and we moved. Then we moved again. Then we moved again. To make a long story short, after moving more than half a dozen times in just 5 years, I wound up living on my mother's sofa in Georgia, with 3 children, 13 college credit hours and a 0.7 grade point average, two broken legs in braces, an INCREDIBLY spotty work history, and no husband.

I bought a big bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol, and got a job as a 3rd shift waitress. For the entire time I worked there, I was in such pain that I could barely walk. But, I worked anyway. I did not want to be a Welfare Mom and I did not want to ever utter the words "But I'm a single mom".

My world completely fell apart the day that my (then) 7 year old daughter fell on a piece of playground equipment and broke her arm. As a waitress, I had no medical insurance. I had to quit my job to qualify for public assistance. This was the only way that I could afford medical treatment for her arm.

The Public Assistance program in my community is very strict. You're required to attend workshops on resume building, interviewing skills, and get the documentation signed before you qualify for assistance. They also have programs in place with some local department stores to provide interview and work clothes.

I grabbed onto every opportunity they provided me with both hands. Within 10 days of my application, before I ever received one welfare check, I had a job. A job working DAYS.. at a desk job... 40 hours a week.. and for the most money I'd ever made, $10 an hour!

From that point, I never looked back. I have utilized every free educational opportunity that the jobs I've held have offered. Every training session, industry online training course, or even co-workers trying to teach me other job functions, I grabbed onto and used to my advantage. Within a year, I was working for a different company, making more money, learning as much as I could, and making sure that I was in the front of the minds of management when they thought of intelligent, hard workers.

The greatest thing is that my daughters all saw this. They all know where we started. They all know how much our lives have changed and improved. They all know that it was just the 4 of us together for a long time. Not only have I given them better lives than I had, through my own perserverence and hard work, but I've given them a foundation for success... proof that even "single moms" with "no education" and "the wrong background" can improve their situations dramatically and break the cycle of poverty.

Investing In....

There are some fantastic resources on the internet and at the public library who can point you in the right direction for just about any type of investing. You can research and buy stocks, bonds, CDs, property, and the list gos on... I will willingly admit that I don't pay much attention to the investing resources yet, as I am still very deep in debt and this has to be my first priority.

This morning, I had an epiphany. I am already investing. I'm investing in me. I'm investing in my marriage. I'm investing in my family.

Right now though, my main focus is on investing in my career. Receiving calls about a job making more than double my salary has made me re-evaluate some things. If I am qualified for this job, and it's a market that has a lot of openings, I'd be kind of silly not to exploit that.

I've started taking online tutorials and education modules to increase my knowledge and marketability. It's not costing me anything but time. The tutorials are all free and there for the taking. The more I expand my skills in this area by doing the practice drills, taking the skills assessments, and developing generic items to add to my portfolio, the more I am investing in me... and therefore my family and my marriage.

How does this correspond to my family and marriage? Simple! For every dollar I increase my income, the amount of time to pay off our debt decreases. For every decrease in our debt, the less stress and strain on Wes and I, and the less we have to put off things we want for the children. In short, this investment has the potential to free my family from the monetary constraints that have limited Wes and my ability to provide in the ways we WANT to for everyone.

I feel good about my current investment portfolio :) It's not large... but it WILL BE!

Experiment #1- Yesterday's Spending
I Spent: $18.22 for hair color and PTA supplies

BAD BAD Money Days

I'll journal about it later, but need to get my spending log down.

Experiment #1 -

Friday's spending:
Me - $0
Wes - $57.46 - Gas picking up YM


Saturday
We both spent - $168.06 - Household Items and Groceries (Entertaining)
Wes spent - $34.96 - items to restock the liquor cabinet
I spent - $60.57 - gas for my minivan


Sunday
I spent - $84.81 - Dinner out with the kids
$55.32 - Prescription refills for Wes and I
West Spent - $68.15 - Gas taking YM home.


Monday:
We both spent - $76.08 - Dinner out with the kids (Forgot to lay something out for dinner.)

Getting Started

I've written blogs in the past, but never targeted ones. This one is devoted to our family's trip on the road less traveled.

I met my husband almost 4 years ago. We'd both been divorced, him twice, me once. I had three daughters that lived with me. He had two daughters that lived with their mother, and one son that lived with his mother. So, we've got 6 children ... in 4 cities ... in 2 states. Their ages range from 10 to 18 and grades from 4th to Freshman in college.

I work a full time job. With the most recent round of layoffs, my husband Wes (not his real name) and I decided to start our own consulting firm. He has an incredible business concept with lots of interest so far. He's even gotten the ball rolling on, not one but, TWO contracts in the last two weeks. This is astronomical for a startup business that only opened its proverbial doors two three weeks ago.

However, when I married Wes, he and I both had baggage from our "past lives". He also brought with him $70,000ish in tax debt, to toss in with my student loan from college and my car payment.

This blog will be my way of keeping track, and sharing with you, the progress we make toward financial independence, the growth we achieve as a family, and as a business.

Feel free to keep me company
Momma