"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free"

I'll admit it; I am obsessed with the helping. I have this deep seated need to help improve the lives of those I love. I want to take away their stress. I want to take away their worry. I want to share what I've learned from my mistakes in order to keep my family members from repeating them ad infinitum.

In response to my continuous offers to help, a certain member of my family DOES come to me. A Lot. With her hand out. There never ever fails to be a crisis in her financial life. The car is getting ready to be repossessed. The mortgage is 2 months behind. The car was just repossessed and she needs $2000 to get it back. The electric is going to be shut off. Someone that she hasn't seen in 10 years died yesterday and she needs gas money to make the 600 mile drive to the funeral. Notification of the emergency is always followed up with "Do you have $200, $400, $1500 that I can borrow until...?"

These emergencies are a weekly occurrence, at minimum. It is exhausting to constantly say "No, I can't loan you the money." No matter how many times I remind her that we are working toward getting out of debt and Wes is trying to get a business off the ground, she still tries to cash in at the bank of Wes and Momma.

Yesterday, I tried a different tack. I offered her free Household Finance Coaching. She has seen and heard about the differences our budgeting and moves toward frugality have made in our family's life. She just hasn't managed to make it out of her victim mindset. She still thinks and speaks in the language of the perpetually poor.

I offered to help her create a budget. She said "Go ahead and do it then." When I said that I'd need to come over and go over her bank accounts and bills with her to get a realistic budget together, she said "Eh, that's too much BS to deal with. There isn't any money to budget. Every penny we have goes to getting out from under the past due bills and bounced check fees."

I offered to help her lower her grocery costs. She said "I don't have any money to go to the grocery store." I have to admit that I was scratching my head over this one. They eat at Burger King 4 times a week because they "can't keep food in the house". (This was stated while she smoked her cigarette with one hand and held her 3rd 20 oz. Diet Pepsi of the day with the other.)

I offered her FREE grocery coupons. Sensing defeat, I changed the topic and went to the other side of the room to start clipping my coupons for this evening's grocery shopping trip. There is a sale at Kroger on an item that I know she uses, and with a coupon that I have 4 copies of, she'd get 4 of that item for free. I clipped the coupons out and said, "Here, you can get 4 of these for free at Kroger. Don't you guys use them?" She replied "Yes, but I don't shop at Kroger. You can go get them for me and bring them by." Um yeah.. I don't think so.

I offered several ideas to lower energy costs. She spent a good bit of time, while I was clipping coupons, lamenting over her lack of money and the conversation turned to utilities. Now, at this point, I was just letting her lead the conversation because I really don't want to keep offering suggestions for her to shoot down with excuses. But if we never talk about her money problems, she can't ask me for any. So she perseveres. I said "Well, we ended up shaving a considerable amount off our monthly electric bill by just installing a programmable thermostat and setting the temperatures to 78 during the summer and 68 during the winter." She looked horrified and replied "That's just crazy. Our air conditioning is on 24/7. I won't tolerate having it set any higher than 60 degrees."

Today, when I get off work, she and I are going shopping. Last week, she found a $100 JC Penney gift card in her purse that she didn't realize she had. Upon realizing she had the gift card, she declared that she NEEDS new shirts. The walk in closet full that she currently has is not enough. Since she doesn't drive "in town", I got the call to go with her for some Bonding Time.

I do wonder if I'm a glutton for punishment. Honestly though, I'm taking notes. I'm making sure that all of these conversations go into the research for my Coaching business, and my upcoming book. OH.. and I'm ordering her the book Make Money, Not Excuses (Paid Twice has been reviewing this book here). Not that she'll read it. But...

Just Another Day In Paradise

Child with sprained ankle ... Check
Sick day depleted ... Check
Laundry done ... Check
$100 extra on the AmEx ... Check
Laptop priced for YL18's graduation gift ... Check
Momma's home haircuts for YL15, YL12, and YL10 ... Check
Visit with mom ... Check
2 glasses of red wine ... Check

It has been one long and interesting day. None of it involved "work" ... at least... no work that I could receive monetary payment for. However, it was definitely good for my soul.

Yesterday afternoon, YL12 twisted her ankle during a nature walk at school. I rushed to pick her up, but she was hobbling along fairly well, so we came home and propped her foot up with some ice. My friend the Domestic Goddess located a pair of crutches for me and brought them over. THANKS sweetie!

This morning, YL12 woke up with a PURPLE swollen foot. I made a frantic call and dashed off an email to my boss letting him know I wouldn't be in, then bundled YL12 into the car to head to the ER. They X-Rayed her and declared that her ankle had no breaks... just elevate the foot and put an ice pack on it. I know that it's better to be sure than to take chances with my baby's health, but there is something mildly frustrating about being told "Keep doing what you're doing... that'll be $100 please." So, we spent today at home, catching up on laundry, doing a bit of reading, and just general puttering.

Then, as the short people filtered in the door, they requested haircuts! YL15 who has always had very long hair (past middle of the back) asked for a short cut. I gave her a modified bowl cut. *Grin* Those of you from the 80s will know this well. But it's more the cut that falls forward to frame her face and goes to a short layer in the back. ... er.. anyway... I rambled....
Trimmed the bangs of YL10 and Cut about 4 inches off YL12 (while I had her captive, haha).

It's been a nice constructive home day. Hopefully YL12 feels up to school tomorrow. I hear I have a large project on the horizon at work. YAY!

Dodging a Bullet

Thursday, on my drive to work, my Overdrive Off light started blinking on the dash. While I was driving, I could feel the transmission repeatedly engaging and disengaging the Overdrive. Then, as I was pulling into the parking lot at the office, the check engine light came to life too.

SIGH... Just when I thought we were getting a handle on things, here we go again. The last time we had to have the transmission replaced on my Windstar was 2 1/2 years ago and, at $2600, it meant that Wes and I had to fore go our wedding reception. This time, I decided that I wasn't sinking another $2600 into a repair for an almost 9 year old car with 153,000 miles on it.

Yesterday, Wes dropped the van off at the repair shop and I headed on in to work in his car. When I got here, I went online and tried to line up financing for the new (used) car we were going to have to get. I filled out a couple of online apps and within 30 minutes had 3 offers for full auto financing at conventional rates. Thank goodness I've been working so hard to get our debts paid off and our credit score boosted.

After the 3rd call from the finance departments, Wes called. The problem was a $2 sensor that the transmission place replaced for free... no labor or part cost. The owner said t hat if we refer one customer, we've done well for him. Can't beat that!

So, I've called back all of the finance places and thanked them for their time and told them we'll keep them in mind for when we replace our cars next year. WHEW... I'm glad we didn't have to go further in debt, but I'm glad to know that it's an option if we're desperate.

Emotional Spending

On Saturday, I requested (threatened bodily harm unless I got) some alone time. My wonderful husband loaded up all four children, ages 10, 10, 12, and 15 IN 19 DAYS!!, and took them out for the afternoon. First, they tried bowling... no lanes open until 9:30 PM. So, they spent their allotted $10 in quarters at the video arcade and tried to figure out what to do with the rest of their night in exile.

I got a call from Wes just before they left the bowling alley. The new plan was dinner out at Taco Mac so he could watch the basketball game and hang out with the kids. :) This left me at least 2 hours to enjoy my alone time and do all the things I'd been putting off.

I cleaned my bedroom, washed laundry like a fiend, puttered and organized and straightened. I had the iTunes set to shuffle on Wes' computer and the music was cranked. Not exactly the way I THOUGHT I'd enjoy spending a Saturday night, but I'll take it.

Just as I was finishing my bedroom chores, I got a call from Wes. He and the children were on their way home and they had a surprise for me! :) I had a surprise for them too. Clean laundry and a clean bedroom. When they got home, three of the children grabbed me by the hand and took me to the kitchen, where I was presented with a spring bouquet of flowers and a bar of dark chocolate. I hugged the children and exclaimed that I have the best family ever!

Wes said "uh, you might want to rethink that in a minute." That's when I walked into the living room and saw the box... The flowers and chocolate were not a gift.. they were an apology! My family waited until I wasn't there to say no and bought Rock Band! I'm very proud of myself. I didn't rant, yell, or otherwise undermine Wes' purchase. I did, however, pour myself a very large glass of wine and retire to my (now spotless) bedroom to play video games.

My 12 year old daughter, came into the room and her eyes were filled with tears. She is the one who suggested the purchase and felt guilty that it had upset me. I recovered pretty quickly and asked her how much it cost. When she said it was $170 dollars, I just smiled and said "That's OK, it's the family entertainment budget for the next month. Now ... go play your game! Enjoy it and get all the use out of it you can because we're not going out to do other things for a while."

When she left, Wes came into the room. There was very little spoken. I understand what happened. He knew it was a purely emotional purchase. Sometimes, he just feels so badly for having to say no and be practical all the time that he makes large impulsive purchases. I feel that way sometimes myself, but I'm better about keeping a grip on it. I'm sure it's a pretty common phenomenon in people who are making the move to more frugal living. We just resolve to do better next time and move on.

On the upside, it's a FABULOUS game. The entire family gets to play at once. There is noise and laughter and real family time going on. They played until 1 AM. ;) Of course, nobody has beaten my score for vocals on Wanted, Dead or Alive! Momma ROCKS.

Lemons out of Lemonade

Before I left for work on Monday, I took the easy way out for dinner and put a pork tenderloin roast in the crock pot with some diced tomatoes, garlic, and spices. This pork roast is a favorite of Momma's family, because it means one thing... CARNITAS! I always make 3 meals from our pork roast. First night is homemade Carnitas. The second night is tamales. The third night is barbecue. So, from the first moment that roast goes into the crock pot, we all know what's coming. We all anticipate it with great enthusiasm!

Monday afternoon, upon returning from work, we had a problem. The roast was not done, nowhere near. Having no Plan B, I unplugged the crock pot, gathered Wes and the children, and we all went out for Chinese. When we got home, I put the cooled pot into the refrigerator for a "do over" on Tuesday.

On Tuesday morning, Wes turned the crock pot back on low and we headed out to our respective days at work again. About 2:00 PM, I received an IM from a friend reminding me that we'd made plans for a cook-out with them that afternoon! OH NO! So, I asked Wes to stop at Costco for grilling meat on his way home, and when I got back to the house, I unplugged the crock pot again.

So, yesterday afternoon, I took the roast out of the refrigerator, shredded the (now overcooked) pork roast, added some more diced tomatoes, a cup of salsa**, half a bottle of barbecue sauce, whole kernel corn, and some Worcestershire sauce. VOILA! Homemade Brunswick Stew! I also made two pans of cornbread. It has to have been the best Brunswick stew ever.
** I use salsa because it's cheaper than keeping fresh tomatoes, onions, peppers, and garlic on hand, and it saves oodles of time with the prep work.

Even Wes, a BBQ joint connoisseur of Brunswick Stew, was digging into it with enthusiasm. So, hooray for making lemons out of lemonade. Today for lunch, LEFTOVERS. I really can't wait.